What kind of "Legacy" are you leaving your loved ones?

Here at Comfort of Home Healthcare we see families in times of crisis on a daily basis. We are blessed in being able to provide quality caregivers to help families when they need it the most. 

One thing you can count on its that at some point you are going to need help to stay in the comfort of your home for the remaining your years when your health starts to fade.  

These years can be very stressful on a family, especially when the adult children are left to manage mom and dad’s care. One of the single most important step the process of making this an easier transition, is to plan for your own care.  

I ran across Frank the other day and he had some insightful things to add to this very topic. He put some helpful tips together for us in order to better help our clients and our community.

What kind of  "Legacy" are you going to leave your loved ones?

Legacy being defining as: Something inherited from a predecessor, a heritage. When you apply that to planning for care for yourself. Are you relying upon a predecessor to do that planning? Or are you planning on the government to take care of you? It is rare indeed to see a parent [as a predecessor] to plan for their children's long term care. The reality is, it is up to you! 

Mortality is 100%, yet, few of us want to plan for that unavoidable event.  Part of that is the time of our life when we, or a loved one, are faced with a set back to health and require assistance with activities of daily living. It may be for only 30 minutes. For others it may be 10 plus years.

One important step (one of many) in legacy planning is your “Health Care Directive". Who would you select to speak for you in case of a health crisis? In most areas, law requires you to have a signed Directive before receiving care.

Where do you start? How to select a directive?

Here are some things you’re going to need to think about before assigning someone as your health care directive:

1. Meets the legal requirements in your State.

2. Would be willing to speak on your behalf.

3. Would be willing to act on your wishes and separate his/ her feelings from yours.  

4. Lives close by or could travel to be by your side.

5. Knows and understands you well.

6. Is someone you trust with your life. Can you "pull the plug" on a loved one?

7. Will talk with you now about sensitive issues, and will LISTEN to your wishes.

8. Will be available long into the future. 9. Would be able to handle sensitive family conflicts. 10. Can be a strong advocate in the face of an indifferent doctor or institution.

We hope to share some ideas from time to time to slow you down long enough to ponder making a difference in your legacy.

Meanwhile; more information is available through legacy4you@ymail.com or by calling Frank Sindelar at 816-752-2624.

Thanks for "listening".

I hope you found this helpful, and please if you have questions don’t be bashful.

Here are some articles to read if you would like more information.

Four Goals of Legacy Planning – (articles on the financial aspect of legacy planning)

Advance Health Care Directives and Living Wills

LivingWills and Advance Care Directives for Medical Decisions

Caregiver Grief: The Prolonged Goodbye

Caregiver Grief

The Prolonged Goodbye

Grief can be experienced as a result of various situations and events in a persons life, and the intense sorrow they experience will most likely disrupt their everyday life. The nature of a caregiver's grief needs to be understood before help can be given to individuals who find themselves in this position. Caregiver grief may be slightly different , while the process is similar, it is often multi-faceted and prolonged. 

"Many caregivers of the aging or the ill experience anticipatory grief, or grieving prior to the actual death of the person. Particularly with those dealing with dementia, caregivers experience the "death" of the person as the mind dies but the body remains behind. The grief a caregiver experiences is still as real, as if the person had died." (http://comfortdoc.squidoo.com)

This anticipatory grief causes a caregiver to go through the grief process multiple times before a death actually occurs. Often a caregiver is so close to the loved one that they experience new grief as their loved one goes through various stages of their illness. Every illness will bring different experiences, emotions, and ultimately different grief. As a caregiver experiences a "long goodbye" they will often go through emotions such as: depression, hurt, sadness, anger, weepiness, despair, and eventually relief. 

This relief may come in many forms-- from the effects of grief counseling, the support of a friend, or an unexpected moment of joy that life may bring. A caregiver may feel guilty during these moments of joy, laughter, and happiness, but this should not be the case. There is help for the caregiver who is willing to be helped. Grief counseling is always a good option for caregivers, and it will help the caregiver through the process of grief and provide them the support they need during this time. 

Every caregiver may experience the stages of grief in a different order, time frame, and to varying degrees. A grief counselor would help an individual with their specific needs, emotions, and experiences. " Grief is our normal, natural, and necessary response to loss. Its flip-side, bereavement (or mourning), is the process of responding to, and ultimately surviving loss." (http://www.webmd.com)

These two articles will help you  better understand the grieving process and how to go about getting help for yourself, your loved one, or someone you know.

Caregiver Grief and Bereavement

Various Resources on Caregiver Grief