Affording In Home Healthcare...Can I afford to keep my loved one at home?

One of the main reasons people choose not to invest in in-home healthcare (1 on 1 care) for their loved ones is because of the possible financial burden or the lack or resources the individual has. Comfort of Home Healthcare wants to make in-home healthcare not only comforting and convenient for your family, but also financially affordable. As a business, we try to keep costs down as much as we can, but there are also resources for your family to participate in that will dramatically change your financial outlook on in-home healthcare services. 

But before we get in to some of the resources, Comfort of Home Healthcare would like to point out that if your receive in home care for two people. E.g. Parents/ grand parents
It is very feasible to financially keep your loved ones in their homes!! In a facility setting (nursing home) you will have to pay out of pocket for each person. In home care is priced by staffing and not each individual person. 

This is so important because this will allow you to; 
1. keep your loved ones in their home! 
2. You will have one staff taking care of both of them as opposed to one CNA per 10+ people!

Unfortunately this is not case for most of our clients. For those of you who are looking for care for a loved one (not a couple). Comfort of Home Healthcare has provided a list of resources that will offset costs, for you to consider. Here are several of those resources and how you may qualify to receive these benefits: 
(Not all scenarios work for every person. This simply a list of all options available)

• Veterans Benefits: If you or your loved one was a veteran.

• Veterans Widows Benefits: If you or your loved one was married to a veteran.

• Medicaid: If you meet the financial guidelines to qualify for Medicaid, they have potential opportunities for assistance. 

• Long Term Care Insurance: If you or your loved one has purchased a Long Term Care Insurance Plan.

• Life Insurance: If you or your loved one is terminally ill, a life insurance plan is a valuable resource. 

• Life Insurance (Viatical Settlement): A viatical settlement is the sale of a life insurance policy to a third party, usually a funding company owned by a group of investors. 

• Life Insurance (Loan): A policy owner may be able to make a loan against the cash value of the policy, based on what type of policy is owned. 

• Reverse Mortgage: If you or your loved one has equity in their home, they can probably qualify for a reverse mortgage.

• Area Agency on Ageing: There can be local organizations such as the Area Agency on Ageing that can help with some of the costs of in-home care.

If you have questions about the specific details (contacts and phone numbers) of these resources, Comfort of Home Healthcare would be happy to talk to you about the resources that will best fit your family and your family's individual needs. 

We care about your family and we want to provide the best possible service at the best price for your family!

Do you need In Home Care?

Every day at Comfort of Home Healthcare we see and hear about more and more seniors who need professional help brought into their homes, yet they hesitate in actually making the decision to  go through with hiring an agency to provide any services.

The family needs to start taking an active role in keeping their ageing loved ones safe in their homes. Unfortunately, there isn't a "Home Care for Dummies" book at the office supply store to pick up and tell you what to do if you find yourself in this situation.

So here is some helpful information that we have picked up along the way through being in the home care business AND personally being in your shoes by needing to find a home care agency  (*see the who we are page) to provide services for our own loved ones.

Your family needs to ask this question: “Do we need to bring in a caregiver to help out?"

Here are some questions that can help you make this decision more efficiently.

1.   Does your loved one need help walking?
2.  Has there been a recent emotional or medical crisis with your loved one?
3.  Is your loved one unable to do errands alone?
4.  Have there been recent falls/injuries?
5. Have you noticed any recent memory issues? Early onset of Dementia/Alzheimer’s?
6.  Is your loved one neglecting their hygiene?
7.  Are they wearing the same clothes each day?
8.  Are medications either running out too soon or being left over?
9.  Does your loved one seem depressed?
10.  Is your loved one losing weight or having changes in appetite?
11.   Is your loved one neglecting their home?
12.   Has one loved one become the caregiver for the other?

If you can respond yes to even one of these questions, you really need to start seriously thinking about and considering in-home care for your loved one.

Once you have made the important decision to bring in help for your loved one, now you need to decide on whom. Through our (both owners) experiences before opening Comfort of Home Healthcare, we found that not all agencies are created equal.

You are going to have to interview and do research on who you are going to bring into your loved ones home to help out. We can’t stress enough how important this is. You need to feel comfortable with the agency you choose; and they should also be transparent about how they run their agency.

This is especially true in the private duty (private pay) industry. When there are no regulatory bodies, such as Medicaid or Medicare, etc. there are really no standards imposed on the industry.  You could potentially hire an unprofessional agency and unintentionally expose the home owner to a plethora of liabilities.

Here is a list of questions you’re going to want to know about the agency you hire:

1.        How long has the agency been in business?

a.       Is it privately owned or a franchise?

b.       If it is privately owned, why have they started the company? What’s their story?

c.       If it’s a franchise, who are the owners and who is the Director? 

2.       Are caregivers employees of your company (not 1099 contractors) and protected by workers compensation?

a.       If they are not employees, they are probably not protected by insurance and work comp.

3.       Does your agency carry liability coverage?

a.       If they do not, the home owner is completely liable if there is any accidents, etc. with the caregiver.

4.       Does your agency provide 24/7 telephone service?

a.       People need help other than 8a-5p Monday through Friday.

5.       Are your caregivers bonded and insured for theft/damages?

6.       Do you conduct national and local criminal background checks and driving records of all employees?

7.       Do you drug test employees?

8.       Do you provide backup coverage in the event a caregiver can’t make it to work? How do you do this?

a.       If they do not provide backup coverage, when the caregiver quits or is sick, there will be no one provided to help.

9.       Does your agency require a minimum number of hours per shift? If so what is it?

10.    Can your agency provide 24/7 services?

11.      How much say will the family have in your services?

a.       Do you get a say if you have a complaint?

12.     Do your services include personal care such as bathing, incontinence care, mobility assistance and medication assistance?

13.     Does your agency provide transportation services for clients?

a.       If so how do you bill it?

14.    Does your agency maintain a business office where I can meet you and the office staff?

15.     How does your agency document the caregivers work done in the home?

a.       If there is documentation from caregivers, what does it look like and where is it kept?

16.     Does your agency make supervisory visits to a client’s home?

a.       If so, by whom and when?

17.     Can you provide a list of professional references from families you have served in the past?

18.     Does your agency possess any state/local/federal contracts to provide in home care services?

19.    How does the agency ensure patient confidentiality? How?

20.   How quickly can your agency initiate service?

We hope you find this information helpful, and like always you can always call us with any question you might have. Were here to help!

The Importance of Physical Activity for Seniors

            At any age, the importance of staying active can be easily overlooked – but physical activity is vital for seniors as they deal with the physical changes and challenges of aging. Regular physical activity can combat these challenges, as well as provide long-lasting health benefits for the individual. It is the proactive way to stay on top of your health, and to enhance your quality of life.

            The decrease or loss of strength and stamina in seniors is a natural part of the aging process, but is significantly affected by the lack of physical activity. According to the CDC, statistically inactivity increases with age; by the age of 75, one in three men and one in two women engage in no physical activity. This is a problem that can be, and must be, addressed in order to cultivate healthy lifestyles for the seniors in our communities.

            It is important to understand the benefits of being physically active, as well as the risks that are involved with inactivity. Benefits do not only come for strenuous activity, but also from daily moderate activity that positively influences health in more ways than one. 

The CDC has provided a list of some of the main benefits of physical activity, they include: 

• Helps maintain the ability to live independently.
• Reduces the risk of falling and fracturing bones.
• Reduces the risk of dying from coronary heart disease and of developing high blood pressure, colon cancer, and diabetes.
• Can help reduce blood pressure in some people with hypertension.
• Helps people with chronic, disabling conditions improve their stamina and muscle strength.
• Reduces symptoms of anxiety and depression and fosters improvements in mood and feelings of well-being.
• Helps maintain healthy bones, muscles, and joints.
• Helps control joint swelling and pain associated with arthritis.

These benefits can come from a variety of activities such as: walking, fast-walking, water exercises, gardening, appropriate strength training classes, etc. As a community we can help support seniors in their pursuit of a healthy lifestyle, by providing facilities, classes, encouragement, and more opportunities for them to incorporate physical activity into their daily routine.

Here are some more articles we have found for your convenience and like always, just call us if you have any questions, we are here to help. 

Add Life to Your Years

Exercise & Physical Activity: Your Everyday Guide

Exercise and Fitness as You Age

The Aging Process: What Can Be Expected?

The Aging Process

What Can Be Expected?

From birth, we begin to experience the lifelong process of aging. Most of our life this is marked by constant growth and new abilities. There is a point in ageing when a person's health begins to deteriorate or decline physically and mentally. The elderly population can often be misunderstood as they begin to go backwards, but this is a natural part of the aging process. Understanding the aging process will allow us to help enhance the quality and even the quantity of an elderly persons life. 

Not all of the effects of aging are harmful, such as the thinning of hair, hair turning grey or white, skins thins and becomes less elastic, wrinkles will be more present, and weight may change or become more concentrated in a specific area. Even though there will be more obvious changes that take place, there will also be changes that happen inside the body and that will effect the overall health of a person. These changes may vary depending on genes, lifestyle, and disease, but there is a "normal" pattern that is observed as people enter their later years (typically age 65 and older). 

Some very specific changes that will take place as a part of this process include changes in: (www.agingcarefl.org) 

• Eyesight: Loss of peripheral vision and decreased ability to judge depth. There may also be a decrease in the clarity of colors. 
• Hearing: Loss of hearing accuracy, especially sounds at the higher end of the spectrum. Also, decreasing ability to distinguish sounds when there is a lot of background noise. 
• Taste: Decreased taste buds and saliva. 
• Touch and Smell: Decreased sensitivity to touch and ability to smell.
• Arteries: Stiffen with age. Additionally, fatty deposits build up in your blood vessels over time, eventually causing arteriosclerosis (hardening of arteries). 
• Bladder: Increased frequency in urination. 
• Body Fat: Increases until middle age, stabilizes until later in life, then decreases. Distribution of fat shifts, moving from just beneath the skin to surround deeper organs. 
• Bones: Somewhere around age 35, bones lose minerals faster than they are replaced.
• Brain: Loses some of the structures that connect nerve cells, and the function of the cells themselves is diminished. 
• Heart: This muscle thickens with age. Maximum pumping rate and the boy's ability to extract oxygen from the blood both diminish with age. 
• Kidneys: Shrink and become less efficient.
• Lungs: Somewhere around age 20, lung tissue begins to lose its elasticity, and rib cage muscles shrink progressively. Maximum breathing capacity diminishes with each decade of life. 
• Metabolism: Medicines and alcohol are not processes as quickly. Prescription medication requires adjustments. Reflexes are also slowed while driving.
• Muscles: Muscle mass declines, especially with lack of exercise. 
• Skin: Nails grow more slowly. Skin is more dry and wrinkled, and heals more slowly..

The better we understand the aging process, the more efficiently we can help our loved ones during this time. Although this time may be marked by significant physical, mental, and emotional changes, this is also a significant time for people as they get to spend time with their families, reflect on life, try new things, and make lasting memories. It is important that we are able to talk to our loved ones about what they are experiencing, even though we may not directly or fully understand the process yet. 

There are some contributing factors that will help strengthen the elderly during their aging process, and that are known to help with both the length and quality of life. Some of these factors include:

• Dietary and nutritional factors. 
• Moderate consumption of alcohol.
• Physical activity throughout life.
• Sexual activity continues in later years.
• Social involvement factors.
• Physical environment factors.

Being actively involved in your health now will most likely result in better health conditions in your later years. It is necessary that we stay knowledgeable about the aging process, for the benefit of ourselves and our loved ones. 

Discovery health provides a very helpful resource that gives more specific information on the aging process: The Aging Process

The Benefits of Technology for the Elderly

The Benefits of Technology for the Elderly

It is assumed that the older generation is more closed off to the use of technology to enhance or improve life. While this may often be the case, not every senior is completely closed off to giving new technology a chance. The problem lies in the fact that many of the newer technologies are not as easily understood by a generation that wasn't born with iPhones, gaming systems, TiVo systems, iPads, Kindles, laptop computers, Netflix, social networks, and iPods ingrained in their culture like the current generation has been. There is an obvious gap between the younger and older generations in regards to technology, and this gap can be destructive in our communication and connection with our elderly loved ones.  

It is important to remember to be understanding and helpful towards the generation who may have different opinions, experiences, and thoughts that contribute to their view of technology and/or their lack of use of technology in their daily life. It is not an absolute necessity for technology to be used for survival and it doesn't need to be pushed on someone who isn't interested. Sometimes this lack of interest in the technology of our culture comes from misinformation or a lack of information that has been given to the elderly. Although technology isn't a basic need, there are many technologies that would be extremely beneficial for seniors. 

Some of the benefits of technology for the elderly include:

• Feelings of isolation are rampant among the elderly, and technology will provide a way for them to stay connected to family, friends, and the world. Often they have a limited ability to move or leave a specific place or a specific community, and technology can really open doors to their ability to connect with others and sustain relationships. 

• Technology can also get them a way to stay updated about family issues and events. This could include small happenings in the family, or larger events such as new births in the family. Technology provides a way for them to feel a part of what is going on in the family, through pictures and more communication.

• Cell phones, iPods, E-Readers, laptops, and more, can provide entertainment and activities that can give the elderly things to do during "down time" when their days aren't filled with as much activity as it used to be filled with. 

• Technology can increase a seniors independence, freedom, and quality of life. Many technologies allow the elderly to stay in control of their lives for a longer time.

• Tools such as internet banking, can help assist the elderly in their financial needs in a more effective way. 

In addition to the specific technologies already mentioned, there is also a category of technology specifically geared towards the needs to the elderly and those with disabilities, which is called "assistive technology". Assistive technology includes special equipment designed to help the elderly and disabled throughout their daily lives and improve their quality of life. Here is a link that will give you more information about this type of technology: Assitive Technology: An Introduction and Overview

Healthy conversations can be had with your loved one about technology, and these conversations could lead to making some positive changes in your loved one's life. Always remember to actively listen to their concerns and thoughts, and speak in a way that will be helpful not hurtful. 

Here are a couple resources that may be helpful in your understanding of this topic: 

Embracing Technology to Improve Life

Adapting Technology to Elderly People

Elderly Care is a Family Affair

Elderly Care is a Family Affair

Your elderly or disabled loved ones are at crucial points in their life, filled with many changes and new circumstances. During this time your loved one needs support and help in planning their future and making sure all of their needs are properly addressed. No one should walk this road alone, and so the care of your loved one needs to become a family issue. Often family members are the caregivers to their elderly or disabled loved one, so they too may be experiencing many life changes. The best way to care for your family is to make sure that you are coming together as a family, making compromises when necessary, and making decisions based on the needs of the entire family. 

"Seniors are at a vulnerable stage of life. They often face multiple health concerns and loss of physical and cognitive function. More than ever, seniors need the support and love of family members. Seniors often have difficulty expressing their needs, desires and preferences, so they must have someone to advocate for them. And who is more qualified for that than the people who know them better than anyone else in the world?"

To be able to be the advocate for your loved one during this often difficult time, is such a rewarding opportunity. If you and your loved one are able to work together and communicate effectively, this will increase the positive outcomes in both of your lives. 

It is not uncommon for family members to be the sole or primary caregiver for an elderly or disabled family member. "A new study of caregivers says that one out of three adults in the U.S. currently serves as a caregiver." Caregiving is no easy task, and takes up much of the caregivers time and energy. If you are in this position it may be necessary to consider some in-home healthcare options for your family. In addition to this, it is important to ask the right questions when you are considering a plan for your elderly or disabled loved one's care. 

Here are some questions that may be helpful to consider:

• What is the best way to talk to my parents or loved one about their healthcare needs?
• How will the care they need be funded?
• What is the safest, most comfortable, most appropriate care option for my loved one?
• Is there a family member nearby who can be of assistance at a moment's notice?
• What types of services or help does my loved one need-- for instance, bathing, eating, transportation, medications, etc.?
• How do my loved one's religious affiliation and personal preferences influence the care decisions we need to make?
• What types of senior care are available? How do they differ? How does each one address my parents specific needs?

Here is a resource that gives more statistical, and practical information on this subject:

Caring for Elderly and Disabled is a Family Affair

CAUTION: Preventing Falls in the Elderly

CAUTION

Preventing Falls in the Elderly

Statistics show that falls among the elderly are the most common fatal injury in the home. It is crucial that necessary steps be taken to prevent these falls from happening. Comfort of Home Healthcare makes the safety of their clients a priority, and they need families to come alongside them in these efforts. There are specific preventative measures that can be taken in order to avoid falls among the elderly as much as possible. If the injuries from a fall are not fatal, they still cause more challenges for the elderly person as they now have to deal with the effects of the injury and the recovery process. Here are some practical steps that can be taken to help insure the safety of your home for your loved one:

1. Stairways should have handles on both sides.
2. Attach safety treads to steps.
3. Remove all tripping hazards such as throw rugs, furniture, and any clutter from walkways. 
4. Use self-adhesive non-skid mats or safety treads in bathtubs, showers, bathroom floors, and pools. Any slippery surface is a potential hazard for slips and falls. 
5. Use non-skid rugs on bathroom floors.
6. Use non-skid pads under rugs on bare floors.
7. Install grab bars on both sides of toilets and bathtubs, especially those used by seniors.
8. Consider having them use a walking aid, which will help with stability in and out of the home.  
9. Talk to their doctor about other ways to reduce the risk of falls. This may include changing medication, exercising to improve strength/balance, etc. 

According to statistics in 2008, 19,700 elderly adults died from injuries they sustained during a fall. This number can be decreased if we are more aware of the risks and take the necessary steps toward preventing these falls. Our families and our loved ones will benefit as a result. 

Here are some resources that will give you more information about how to assess the risk of your loved one for falls, and how to be as preventative as possible:

The Prevention of Trips, Slips, and Falls in the Elderly

Falls Among Older Adults: An Overview

Preventing Slips and Falls Among Older Adults

Tips for Seniors Though the Winter Months

Well, winter is here. Monday morning I had to wake up 20 minutes earlier than normal to start my car before work. And since entrance of the digital age, I no longer even have a CD case to scrape off my windshield! Rough times, this winter.

It was not that long ago when I had more to worry about than where the ice scraper was. My wife and I had moved her elderly mother into our home. Every winter now it reminds me of all our loved ones who have mobility issues and how difficult winter can be.

If you yourself need a little extra help now and then, if you are caring for a loved one, or even if you’re loved one just recently needs a little bit of extra help. Here are some tips that you’re going to need to keep yourself or your loved ones safe for the next couple of months.

·       If you are not able to do everything for your own. Ask for help silly!!!

The most important tip to keep in mind is to ask for help. If you need help to clear the drive, sidewalks, etc. don’t hesitate to ask a family member, neighbor, social service agency or hire a professional. Really, don’t be afraid to reach out for help.

·       If you’re worried about your loved one.

o   Check in on them regularly, if you live out of town, arrange for neighbors/family to check in.

o   Arrange for someone to keep sidewalks shoveled and de-iced.

o   Make sure your loved one has emergency supplies.

o   Arrange transportation if need be, have groceries delivered, etc.

o   Hire a professional in home care agency such as Comfort of Home Healthcare to come in and help take good care of your loved one during these months.

·       Prepare, Prepare, Prepare!!! There are a handful of likely scenarios that are going to happen during the winter season, prepare for them.

o   Power Outages - At some point, a winter storm is going to lead to a power outage. Make sure there is easy access to flashlights and a battery powered radio. Stockpile warm blankets. Keep some non perishable food and water stored away. Here is a winter weather checklist you might find useful.

§  Oxygen – if you or your loved one is on oxygen you/they most likely have a generator supplying it. If your power goes out you will need backup tanks. Have a supply of both large tanks and smaller portable tanks readily available.

o   Home Heating Safety

§  Service the furnace every fall to make sure it’s in working order.

§  Have all chimneys and flues inspected yearly and cleaned as needed.

§  Install and upkeep on smoke and carbon monoxide detectors.

·       Using a fireplace, gas heater or lanterns can lead to carbon monoxide poising. Be SURE to pay special attention to the carbon monoxide detectors and get an updated one if needed.

§  Keep a fire extinguisher handy, replace as needed and know how to use it.

§  Place space heaters at least three feet from any curtains, betting, etc.

·    

   Stay Inside – This is an easy one. If you don’t have to get out, don’t. Seniors are more susceptible to hypothermia. Conditions such as stroke, Parkinson’s disease, severe arthritis and even some medications can limit the body’s response to cold.

o   IF you have to go out – Dress appropriate, even for a “walk out to the mailbox”. One slip and a fall could mean that your outside for longer than you anticipated.

·       Fight Wintertime Depression – Not being with others and spending more time indoors can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation.

o   Call family members and check in daily. Get as much contact with others as possible.

o   If you are the family member, call your loved one as often as possible. Even a short daily phone call can make a big difference. If you can visit, even better!

These are just some simple tips and are not intended to be all encompassing. Be sure to get with your family and create a plan as everyone is different and will have different needs.

We hope you find this helpful and hope that you and your loved ones stay safe this winter season. Like always; Comfort of Home Healthcare is here to help, call us if you need anything!

When the Parent-Child Roles Reverse

As your parents age there will be many changes in the relationship you have with them, as a result of declining health and possible personality changes. These changes will often cause the parent-child roles to reverse. Below are some articles that hopefully will be of some help to you during this challenging time in your life. 

Adapting to a Reversed Way of Life 

(Article from CSA, original article linked in title)

Aging is a part of life and something that most individuals will experience. Reversing the role between parent and child is one of the most difficult challenges within the aging process. As a child, you want to respect the wishes and independence of your weakening parent and help them to avoid being a victim of their failing competence but doing so can be a tough transition. As challenging as it can be, parents need to learn how to adapt to this intricate and frightening shift of life.
Parenting your parent will take patience, this holds especially true if mom and dad become difficult. But keep in mind that your elders are now adapting to not only a life of dependency but to a reversed role in life where their own child is now in charge of the decision-making. Adult children must sympathetically understand how this changing role can lead to anger, frustration, fear, stubbornness and resistance in their aging parent. Recognizing these feelings and accepting them will only help managing their care a much smoother transition.
For the adult child, adjusting to the role of parenting mom and dad can be uncomfortable and frustrating. These new, and at times unexpected, responsibilities not only add a great deal of stress but can be a large burden on your life. Getting support from others is imperative but one may not always know who to turn to. Consider reaching out to:

• Family Members
• Friends
• Professional Counselors
• Caregiver Support Groups
• Clergy

To better assist you, your clients and their loved ones, the Society of Certified Senior Advisors created this handout to include excerpts from individuals who have experienced this changing role in life.

• "Countless hours of working with seniors, and my experiences with my own aging parents, have taught me that as parents age, the dynamics of the parent-child relationship change dramatically. It can result in compromised care and can threaten the very core of the family unit."
• "As long as the boundaries and responsibilities remain unchallenged, the dynamics of the parent-child/child-parent relationship continue to work smoothly; but when aging parents begin to need assistance, an interesting transition occurs: the adult children assume the caregiving role of parents."
• "A person’s life cycle is one great circle. We had caregivers in the beginning and many of us will need caregivers in the end. If we are lucky, the people whom we love most will be present to assist us in the completion of our life’s journey. Acceptance of this cycle can improve the quality of all our lives. It also completes the circle of love."

When utilizing this informative material, it will help you to nurture your clients and their loved ones and sympathize with them as they begin the process of a reversed role. Allow yourself to be not only their professional expert but their trusted source when needed.

When the Parent-Child Roles Reverse
(Article from your ageing parent.com, original article linked in title)

     Cook. Chauffeur. All-around fix-it person. Financial officer. Problem solver. Protector. The list goes on and on. Any parent owns a lot of different hats when he or she is raising children and running a household. Some are worn proudly; others grudgingly. No matter how they're worn, everyone in the family knows they belong to each parent. There are his. There are hers. Until . . . .

     Until everything begins to change as your parent ages and you must start to assume more and more of those responsibilities for Dad or Mom. As you must start to fill the roles that were always his or always hers.

     It's not easy to watch these changes happen in your parent. When Dad can no longer drive the car or handle paying the bills. When Mom isn't able to cook or take care of the house.

     It's not easy to be a part of those changes. Not for your parent or for you.

     It's understandable that an aging parent may have a difficult time giving up those favorite tasks. Maybe Dad is known for his beautiful garden. Mom for her wonderful family dinners. Now someone else will be clipping the hedge or making the pot roast and your parent knows that person can't do the job as well as he or she did. It may seem that other person isn't just doing it differently, that person is doing it wrong!

     Your parent may argue, "Just who says I can't do that anymore? You? Why, I was doing that when you were in diapers. Doing it before you were born."

     It's no wonder your help is sometimes met with resistance and anger, is seen as interference rather than assistance.

     On the other hand, maybe you don't want to assume so many of those responsibilities but see you must. Maybe you can't have everything just the way Mom did for dinners with the extended family. Maybe you don't know how to fix Dad's car and so—heaven forbid! —you have to hire someone else to do it. ("A stranger? You're throwing away good money on a stranger to change the oil?")

     These are some suggestions:

     ● If you find yourself and your parent reversing roles, keep in mind that you need to be gentle about the changes that have to be made. Go slowly. Don't suddenly charge in and take control. Start with small things.

     ● If at all possible, let your parent still play a part. For example, maybe Mom can't host Thanksgiving dinner but can still make her famous gravy for it. Maybe Dad can’t go crawling around under the car but can accompany you when you "both take it in" to a 30-minute oil-change shop.

     ● Keep in mind there's another important role that reverses as your parent ages. Growing up, Mom or Dad was the one who chased away the bogeyman, the one who made everything better. Now he or she is scared. Aging—preparing to die—isn't easy.

     Now it's up to you to comfort Mom. To reassure her. Not to make everything all right—you both know that can't be done—but to try to make it better than it is right now.

     Watching Dad grow old and lose abilities isn't easy either. It's frightening. But now you're supposed to be the one who is strong and brave. Now you can't lean on him because he needs to lean on you.

     This is a special time in the relationship between you and your parent. It's a strange and confusing time that brings new challenges as it exposes new facets of the love you share. It's a precious time.

Effective Communication

Effective Communication
with the Elderly or Disabled

When a family member has to become the caregiver for an elderly parent or disabled family member the dynamics of a relationship will undoubtedly change. Effective communication needs to be a priority during this transition. Sometimes it is difficult to know how to best communicate with an elderly parent or disabled family member, because of all the changes that are taking place.

Communication needs to be beneficial for both the caregiver and the ill family member. Effective communication will keep relationships healthy and strong, and will help avoid problems that may come from miscommunication. The article below has some things you can keep in mind when trying to communicate with your family member. 

A communication breakdown during this time can be very harmful to everyone involved. So, this topic cannot be overlooked; it is essential to the caregiving process and to everyone's overall well-being. These simple tips can greatly improve your communication with the elderly or disabled. 

7 Communication Techniques for Talking to Elderly Parents

Caregiving results in major changes in a family: physical, emotional, social and financial issues can arise. It changes the roles, responsibilities and feelings within the family, which can lead to tension and fighting. Caregivers in the AgingCare.com community frequently support each other with "tricks of the trade" when it comes to effective communication with elderly parents.

We would like to share this knowledge, gained from caregiving day-in and day-out, with you. It doesn't always work, and it won't be easy, but we hope it helps you to cope and try to maintain or repair family relationships – and help you keep your sanity during your caregiving journey! 

Don't Give Advice Unless It's Asked For

Parents have advised their children their whole lives, so hearing advice from a child – albeit an adult child - might not go over so well. That parent-child role reversal is hard on the parent. Therefore, giving advice is best avoided unless you are sure it has been asked for. It is generally better to let an outside person be the advisor. You can encourage and provide support, without doling out advise. 

Listen to What Your Elderly Parent is Saying

Really listen. Listen to what the person is saying. Don't interrupt or try to fill in the silence. A period of silence could mean your family member is contemplating a response, thinking through the conversation and how to reply. Listening goes both ways, so try to determine that the person is hearing what you say.

Accept Differences of Opinions

No matter how close a family is, and despite the dynamics involved, everyone is not going to agree all of the time. There is sure to be differences of opinions. Respect the opinions of others; don't disregard them. Listen to all sides, and make a decision together when possible.

Speak Distinctly

Some older adults do not like to admit that they cannot hear or understand the conversation around them.  The higher pitch of women's voices may be a problem for older adults; consciously think to lower the voice pitch. Remain calm and talk in a gentle, matter-of-fact way, keep sentences short and simple, focusing on one idea at a time.

Don't Condescend

Make sure your attempt to "turn up the volume" and slow down your speaking patterns doesn't come across as condescending. Even if your parent suffers from dementia or extreme hearing loss, don't speak to them as you speak to a child. Patronizing is a sure way to start an argument.

Choose the Right Environment

Avoid competing noise or activities such as TV or radio. Face the person as you talk to them. When talking in a group, make sure that the elder is not on the end of the row.  It is better to place the senior in the middle so that the conversation is around them. Or perhaps a quiet walk works best for your elderly parent.

Consider What It Is Like To Be Old

Most seniors experience a series of losses during their later years and are trying desperately to stay in control of themselves and their environment. Letting others help feels to them like giving away control of things.

Pick Your Battles

Most elderly face multiple challenges as a result of growing older. The most common include mobility limitations, decreased stamina, living alone and memory problems. You will need to prioritize the issues you want to address and hope for small victories.

Laugh When you Can

Laughter really is the best medicine. Even in a difficult and stressful caregiving situation, there are some humorous moments. A shared laugh can ease tension while building closeness. However, be sure to laugh with your family, not at their expense.