When the Parent-Child Roles Reverse

As your parents age there will be many changes in the relationship you have with them, as a result of declining health and possible personality changes. These changes will often cause the parent-child roles to reverse. Below are some articles that hopefully will be of some help to you during this challenging time in your life. 

Adapting to a Reversed Way of Life 

(Article from CSA, original article linked in title)

Aging is a part of life and something that most individuals will experience. Reversing the role between parent and child is one of the most difficult challenges within the aging process. As a child, you want to respect the wishes and independence of your weakening parent and help them to avoid being a victim of their failing competence but doing so can be a tough transition. As challenging as it can be, parents need to learn how to adapt to this intricate and frightening shift of life.
Parenting your parent will take patience, this holds especially true if mom and dad become difficult. But keep in mind that your elders are now adapting to not only a life of dependency but to a reversed role in life where their own child is now in charge of the decision-making. Adult children must sympathetically understand how this changing role can lead to anger, frustration, fear, stubbornness and resistance in their aging parent. Recognizing these feelings and accepting them will only help managing their care a much smoother transition.
For the adult child, adjusting to the role of parenting mom and dad can be uncomfortable and frustrating. These new, and at times unexpected, responsibilities not only add a great deal of stress but can be a large burden on your life. Getting support from others is imperative but one may not always know who to turn to. Consider reaching out to:

• Family Members
• Friends
• Professional Counselors
• Caregiver Support Groups
• Clergy

To better assist you, your clients and their loved ones, the Society of Certified Senior Advisors created this handout to include excerpts from individuals who have experienced this changing role in life.

• "Countless hours of working with seniors, and my experiences with my own aging parents, have taught me that as parents age, the dynamics of the parent-child relationship change dramatically. It can result in compromised care and can threaten the very core of the family unit."
• "As long as the boundaries and responsibilities remain unchallenged, the dynamics of the parent-child/child-parent relationship continue to work smoothly; but when aging parents begin to need assistance, an interesting transition occurs: the adult children assume the caregiving role of parents."
• "A person’s life cycle is one great circle. We had caregivers in the beginning and many of us will need caregivers in the end. If we are lucky, the people whom we love most will be present to assist us in the completion of our life’s journey. Acceptance of this cycle can improve the quality of all our lives. It also completes the circle of love."

When utilizing this informative material, it will help you to nurture your clients and their loved ones and sympathize with them as they begin the process of a reversed role. Allow yourself to be not only their professional expert but their trusted source when needed.

When the Parent-Child Roles Reverse
(Article from your ageing parent.com, original article linked in title)

     Cook. Chauffeur. All-around fix-it person. Financial officer. Problem solver. Protector. The list goes on and on. Any parent owns a lot of different hats when he or she is raising children and running a household. Some are worn proudly; others grudgingly. No matter how they're worn, everyone in the family knows they belong to each parent. There are his. There are hers. Until . . . .

     Until everything begins to change as your parent ages and you must start to assume more and more of those responsibilities for Dad or Mom. As you must start to fill the roles that were always his or always hers.

     It's not easy to watch these changes happen in your parent. When Dad can no longer drive the car or handle paying the bills. When Mom isn't able to cook or take care of the house.

     It's not easy to be a part of those changes. Not for your parent or for you.

     It's understandable that an aging parent may have a difficult time giving up those favorite tasks. Maybe Dad is known for his beautiful garden. Mom for her wonderful family dinners. Now someone else will be clipping the hedge or making the pot roast and your parent knows that person can't do the job as well as he or she did. It may seem that other person isn't just doing it differently, that person is doing it wrong!

     Your parent may argue, "Just who says I can't do that anymore? You? Why, I was doing that when you were in diapers. Doing it before you were born."

     It's no wonder your help is sometimes met with resistance and anger, is seen as interference rather than assistance.

     On the other hand, maybe you don't want to assume so many of those responsibilities but see you must. Maybe you can't have everything just the way Mom did for dinners with the extended family. Maybe you don't know how to fix Dad's car and so—heaven forbid! —you have to hire someone else to do it. ("A stranger? You're throwing away good money on a stranger to change the oil?")

     These are some suggestions:

     ● If you find yourself and your parent reversing roles, keep in mind that you need to be gentle about the changes that have to be made. Go slowly. Don't suddenly charge in and take control. Start with small things.

     ● If at all possible, let your parent still play a part. For example, maybe Mom can't host Thanksgiving dinner but can still make her famous gravy for it. Maybe Dad can’t go crawling around under the car but can accompany you when you "both take it in" to a 30-minute oil-change shop.

     ● Keep in mind there's another important role that reverses as your parent ages. Growing up, Mom or Dad was the one who chased away the bogeyman, the one who made everything better. Now he or she is scared. Aging—preparing to die—isn't easy.

     Now it's up to you to comfort Mom. To reassure her. Not to make everything all right—you both know that can't be done—but to try to make it better than it is right now.

     Watching Dad grow old and lose abilities isn't easy either. It's frightening. But now you're supposed to be the one who is strong and brave. Now you can't lean on him because he needs to lean on you.

     This is a special time in the relationship between you and your parent. It's a strange and confusing time that brings new challenges as it exposes new facets of the love you share. It's a precious time.

Taking Away the Car Keys

Taking Away the Car Keys

Talking to Your Loved One About Giving Up the Car Keys

There comes a point when driving is no longer a safe option for seniors. The decision to take away the car keys from a parent or other family member is not an easy decision to make. It will most likely affect the entire dynamic of the family and personally affect your loved one. For many seniors, their car keys represent an important piece of their independence. Losing the ability to safely drive will eliminate some of their freedom and independence. This loss may cause feelings of isolation and even depression. 

In addition to the affects it may have on your loved one, it will also require that other family members step up and figure out a plan for proper transportation for your loved one. They will still want to be able to get out of the house and will need to continue a routine that is as normal as possible. It is often not possible for them to solely rely on public transportation, and some may not be comfortable with this. A schedule might need to be arranged so that various family members are helping with the transportation needs of your loved one. 

Asking your aging loved one to hand over their car keys may not be as simple as it sounds. It may take some convincing for them to realize that this is the safest option for them. If their health is declining in a way that negatively affects their driving, some action needs to be taken. Gently expressing your concerns and effectively communicating your reasons for wanting to take away their car keys may help them better understand why this is the best choice for them. 

To know exactly when this decision needs to be made, there are some specific signs to watch for and be aware of. In the articles below you will learn about how to communicate with your loved one about this decision and when the best time to talk to them would be. 

Helping Your Parents Give Up the Car Keys

When Should Seniors Give Up the Car Keys?

"What is Love"

My wife showed me this short clip on you tube and I loved it so much, I just had to share it.

I hope you enjoyed it as much as we did!

Caregivers Wanted!!!

Comfort of Home Healthcare is on the lookout for great people to join our team of compassionate caregivers.

We have multiple positions open at the moment. First and foremost, you have to have the desire to help other people. If your just looking for a job, this company is not for you and best of luck in your job search.

However, if your one of those people who want more than just a job, get on down here and fill out a job application ASAP!!!

We have full time positions for people interested in helping people with developmental disabilities in an Individualized Supported Living (ISL) environment. JOB POST

We are also in the lookout for people in the Gower area to help with come of our clients. We serve some wonderful families who have loved ones with disabilities out in that area. We need caregivers who either live out that direction, or would be willing to drive. We have full time and part time positions available for people who are interested. JOB POST

Lastly we are also in the need for caring individuals to work with seniors. We need a compassionate people to work with some families part time and full time. We have a couple different evening and overnights positions available. JOB POST

Positions will fill fast, so don't hesitate. Come on down as see us, if were available we could possibly interview you on the spot. 

Were downtown on the corner of 7th & Edmond streets. 624 Edmond, St. Joseph MO 64501.

Caregivers.... Don't forget to take care of yourself!!

Caregiving Stress

Caregivers Need to Take Care of Themselves

When caregivers neglect their own health needs, their loved ones suffer too. It is crucial that family caregivers take a break from their caregiving duties and stay attentive to their own personal health. Family caregivers often find themselves worn down, depressed, fatigued, or overwhelmed with stress to the point where they are no longer any help to their loved one. Caregivers can take certain precautions to make sure that this doesn't happen, and that both their own health needs and their loved one's health needs are continuously taken care of. The more a caregiver takes care of them-self physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, the better they will be able to care for their loved one. 

There are some specific warning signs that indicate a caregiver is neglecting their health and letting stress devastate their life. Some of these signs include:

• A caregiver may feel angry, irritable, or enter into a state of denial about their situation.
• A caregiver may become more isolated and feel like they can't "waste time" on activities they once enjoyed.
• A caregiver may find it hard to concentrate, especially on anything else besides their love one's needs and what they need to accomplish next for their loved one.
• A caregiver may become overly anxious or depressed. 
• A caregiver may be exhausted, but have trouble sleeping.
• A caregiver may start to develop severe health problems of their own.

As a caregiver your world completely changes focus from your own needs to the needs of the one you are caring for. This shift causes new expectations, demands, and responsibilities for the caregiver. This new role will take time and energy, and will leave the caregiver in need of support and outside help. As a caregiver it is important to be educated about various ways to stay healthy during this time. 

There are specific ways that a caregiver can maintain their health while providing proper care for their loved one. Some of these include:

• Caregivers should continue maintaining a nutritious diet and regular exercise routine.
• Caregivers should not neglect their other relationships, and should set aside time to maintain friendships and relationships with other family members.
• Caregivers should continue to participate in their favorite hobbies or pastimes. 
• Caregivers should build a strong network of support that may include family, friends, or professional care services. 
• Caregivers should stay informed about their own health and attend regular check-ups. 
• Caregivers should educate themselves about the condition and needs of their loved one. 

Following these helpful tips will provide a healthy foundation for a caregiver. Caregivers should never be afraid to ask for outside help. The caregiving job is too demanding to be on one person's shoulders, and there comes a time when outside help is necessary. If a caregiver is experiencing any of the warning signs of extreme stress or depression, they should consider bringing in a professional agency to help with their loved one. There is no reason for any person to take on the task of caregiving alone. Comfort of Home Healthcare was established for this very purpose; to comfort and provide for families in their time of great need. Comfort of Home Healthcare is ready and available to make your loved one feel right at home and well taken care of in their own home. 

For more information on caregiving stress visit the following links:

Caregiving Stress: Tips for Taking Care of Yourself

Caregiving Stress: Warning Signs

ALSO: If you haven't done so already, please take the time and vote for us the best In-Home Care agency in St. Joseph..

The link is up on the top/right of the blog for your convenience. 

Please Vote for Us!!

We are very pleased to announce that Comfort of Home Healthcare has been nominated for Best In- Home Care of St. Joseph through KQ2 - Stjoechannel.biz!

Please take some time and vote for us!! Thank you so much!

Just click on the Logo below and it will take you directly to the website to vote. 

Our dream and mutual vision to create a in home care company that we would trust to take care of our own families has exceeded our wildest imaginations. With our commitment to this vision, we have grown our company from one client and four employees to over thirty clients and over sixty employees in just over two short years. 

We would to acknowledge that without the grace of God, our families, employees and community none of this would be possible.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts! You do not know how much you mean to us..

Sincerely,

Tad Ulmer                                        Jason Douglas

Co-Owners/Operators, Comfort of Home Healthcare

Do you need in-home care???

Every day at Comfort of Home Healthcare we see and hear about more and more seniors who need professional help brought into their homes, yet they hesitate in actually making the decision to  go through with hiring an agency to provide any services.

The family needs to start taking an active role in keeping their ageing loved ones safe in their homes. Unfortunately, there isn't a "Home Care for Dummies" book at the office supply store to pick up and tell you what to do if you find yourself in this situation.

So here is some helpful information that we have picked up along the way through being in the home care business AND personally being in your shoes by needing to find a home care agency  (*see the who we are page) to provide services for our own loved ones.

Your family needs to ask this question: “Do we need to bring in a caregiver to help out?"

Here are some questions that can help you make this decision more efficiently.

1.   Does your loved one need help walking?
2.  Has there been a recent emotional or medical crisis with your loved one?
3.  Is your loved one unable to do errands alone?
4.  Have there been recent falls/injuries?
5. Have you noticed any recent memory issues? Early onset of Dementia/Alzheimer’s?
6.  Is your loved one neglecting their hygiene?
7.  Are they wearing the same clothes each day?
8.  Are medications either running out too soon or being left over?
9.  Does your loved one seem depressed?
10.  Is your loved one losing weight or having changes in appetite?
11.   Is your loved one neglecting their home?
12.   Has one loved one become the caregiver for the other?

If you can respond yes to even one of these questions, you really need to start seriously thinking about and considering in-home care for your loved one.

Once you have made the important decision to bring in help for your loved one, now you need to decide on whom. Through our (both owners) experiences before opening Comfort of Home Healthcare, we found that not all agencies are created equal.

You are going to have to interview and do research on who you are going to bring into your loved ones home to help out. We can’t stress enough how important this is. You need to feel comfortable with the agency you choose; and they should also be transparent about how they run their agency.

This is especially true in the private duty (private pay) industry. When there are no regulatory bodies, such as Medicaid or Medicare, etc. there are really no standards imposed on the industry.  You could potentially hire an unprofessional agency and unintentionally expose the home owner to a plethora of liabilities.

Here is a list of questions you’re going to want to know about the agency you hire:

1.        How long has the agency been in business?

a.       Is it privately owned or a franchise?

b.       If it is privately owned, why have they started the company? What’s their story?

c.       If it’s a franchise, who are the owners and who is the Director? 

2.       Are caregivers employees of your company (not 1099 contractors) and protected by workers compensation?

a.       If they are not employees, they are probably not protected by insurance and work comp.

3.       Does your agency carry liability coverage?

a.       If they do not, the home owner is completely liable if there is any accidents, etc. with the caregiver.

4.       Does your agency provide 24/7 telephone service?

a.       People need help other than 8a-5p Monday through Friday.

5.       Are your caregivers bonded and insured for theft/damages?

6.       Do you conduct national and local criminal background checks and driving records of all employees?

7.       Do you drug test employees?

8.       Do you provide backup coverage in the event a caregiver can’t make it to work? How do you do this?

a.       If they do not provide backup coverage, when the caregiver quits or is sick, there will be no one provided to help.

9.       Does your agency require a minimum number of hours per shift? If so what is it?

10.    Can your agency provide 24/7 services?

11.      How much say will the family have in your services?

a.       Do you get a say if you have a complaint?

12.     Do your services include personal care such as bathing, incontinence care, mobility assistance and medication assistance?

13.     Does your agency provide transportation services for clients?

a.       If so how do you bill it?

14.    Does your agency maintain a business office where I can meet you and the office staff?

15.     How does your agency document the caregivers work done in the home?

a.       If there is documentation from caregivers, what does it look like and where is it kept?

16.     Does your agency make supervisory visits to a client’s home?

a.       If so, by whom and when?

17.     Can you provide a list of professional references from families you have served in the past?

18.     Does your agency possess any state/local/federal contracts to provide in home care services?

19.    How does the agency ensure patient confidentiality? How?

20.   How quickly can your agency initiate service?

We hope you find this information helpful, and like always you can always call us with any question you might have. Were here to help!