Tips for Seniors Though the Winter Months

Well, winter is here. Monday morning I had to wake up 20 minutes earlier than normal to start my car before work. And since entrance of the digital age, I no longer even have a CD case to scrape off my windshield! Rough times, this winter.

It was not that long ago when I had more to worry about than where the ice scraper was. My wife and I had moved her elderly mother into our home. Every winter now it reminds me of all our loved ones who have mobility issues and how difficult winter can be.

If you yourself need a little extra help now and then, if you are caring for a loved one, or even if you’re loved one just recently needs a little bit of extra help. Here are some tips that you’re going to need to keep yourself or your loved ones safe for the next couple of months.

·       If you are not able to do everything for your own. Ask for help silly!!!

The most important tip to keep in mind is to ask for help. If you need help to clear the drive, sidewalks, etc. don’t hesitate to ask a family member, neighbor, social service agency or hire a professional. Really, don’t be afraid to reach out for help.

·       If you’re worried about your loved one.

o   Check in on them regularly, if you live out of town, arrange for neighbors/family to check in.

o   Arrange for someone to keep sidewalks shoveled and de-iced.

o   Make sure your loved one has emergency supplies.

o   Arrange transportation if need be, have groceries delivered, etc.

o   Hire a professional in home care agency such as Comfort of Home Healthcare to come in and help take good care of your loved one during these months.

·       Prepare, Prepare, Prepare!!! There are a handful of likely scenarios that are going to happen during the winter season, prepare for them.

o   Power Outages - At some point, a winter storm is going to lead to a power outage. Make sure there is easy access to flashlights and a battery powered radio. Stockpile warm blankets. Keep some non perishable food and water stored away. Here is a winter weather checklist you might find useful.

§  Oxygen – if you or your loved one is on oxygen you/they most likely have a generator supplying it. If your power goes out you will need backup tanks. Have a supply of both large tanks and smaller portable tanks readily available.

o   Home Heating Safety

§  Service the furnace every fall to make sure it’s in working order.

§  Have all chimneys and flues inspected yearly and cleaned as needed.

§  Install and upkeep on smoke and carbon monoxide detectors.

·       Using a fireplace, gas heater or lanterns can lead to carbon monoxide poising. Be SURE to pay special attention to the carbon monoxide detectors and get an updated one if needed.

§  Keep a fire extinguisher handy, replace as needed and know how to use it.

§  Place space heaters at least three feet from any curtains, betting, etc.

·    

   Stay Inside – This is an easy one. If you don’t have to get out, don’t. Seniors are more susceptible to hypothermia. Conditions such as stroke, Parkinson’s disease, severe arthritis and even some medications can limit the body’s response to cold.

o   IF you have to go out – Dress appropriate, even for a “walk out to the mailbox”. One slip and a fall could mean that your outside for longer than you anticipated.

·       Fight Wintertime Depression – Not being with others and spending more time indoors can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation.

o   Call family members and check in daily. Get as much contact with others as possible.

o   If you are the family member, call your loved one as often as possible. Even a short daily phone call can make a big difference. If you can visit, even better!

These are just some simple tips and are not intended to be all encompassing. Be sure to get with your family and create a plan as everyone is different and will have different needs.

We hope you find this helpful and hope that you and your loved ones stay safe this winter season. Like always; Comfort of Home Healthcare is here to help, call us if you need anything!

We have Moved!!!

Comfort of Home Healthcare has moved its offices.

We are now located on 819 Francis Street, St. Joseph MO 

Thank you very much! As always, please feel free to contact us if you need anything.

What kind of "Legacy" are you leaving your loved ones?

Here at Comfort of Home Healthcare we see families in times of crisis on a daily basis. We are blessed in being able to provide quality caregivers to help families when they need it the most. 

One thing you can count on its that at some point you are going to need help to stay in the comfort of your home for the remaining your years when your health starts to fade.  

These years can be very stressful on a family, especially when the adult children are left to manage mom and dad’s care. One of the single most important step the process of making this an easier transition, is to plan for your own care.  

I ran across Frank the other day and he had some insightful things to add to this very topic. He put some helpful tips together for us in order to better help our clients and our community.

What kind of  "Legacy" are you going to leave your loved ones?

Legacy being defining as: Something inherited from a predecessor, a heritage. When you apply that to planning for care for yourself. Are you relying upon a predecessor to do that planning? Or are you planning on the government to take care of you? It is rare indeed to see a parent [as a predecessor] to plan for their children's long term care. The reality is, it is up to you! 

Mortality is 100%, yet, few of us want to plan for that unavoidable event.  Part of that is the time of our life when we, or a loved one, are faced with a set back to health and require assistance with activities of daily living. It may be for only 30 minutes. For others it may be 10 plus years.

One important step (one of many) in legacy planning is your “Health Care Directive". Who would you select to speak for you in case of a health crisis? In most areas, law requires you to have a signed Directive before receiving care.

Where do you start? How to select a directive?

Here are some things you’re going to need to think about before assigning someone as your health care directive:

1. Meets the legal requirements in your State.

2. Would be willing to speak on your behalf.

3. Would be willing to act on your wishes and separate his/ her feelings from yours.  

4. Lives close by or could travel to be by your side.

5. Knows and understands you well.

6. Is someone you trust with your life. Can you "pull the plug" on a loved one?

7. Will talk with you now about sensitive issues, and will LISTEN to your wishes.

8. Will be available long into the future. 9. Would be able to handle sensitive family conflicts. 10. Can be a strong advocate in the face of an indifferent doctor or institution.

We hope to share some ideas from time to time to slow you down long enough to ponder making a difference in your legacy.

Meanwhile; more information is available through legacy4you@ymail.com or by calling Frank Sindelar at 816-752-2624.

Thanks for "listening".

I hope you found this helpful, and please if you have questions don’t be bashful.

Here are some articles to read if you would like more information.

Four Goals of Legacy Planning – (articles on the financial aspect of legacy planning)

Advance Health Care Directives and Living Wills

LivingWills and Advance Care Directives for Medical Decisions

Caregiver Grief: The Prolonged Goodbye

Caregiver Grief

The Prolonged Goodbye

Grief can be experienced as a result of various situations and events in a persons life, and the intense sorrow they experience will most likely disrupt their everyday life. The nature of a caregiver's grief needs to be understood before help can be given to individuals who find themselves in this position. Caregiver grief may be slightly different , while the process is similar, it is often multi-faceted and prolonged. 

"Many caregivers of the aging or the ill experience anticipatory grief, or grieving prior to the actual death of the person. Particularly with those dealing with dementia, caregivers experience the "death" of the person as the mind dies but the body remains behind. The grief a caregiver experiences is still as real, as if the person had died." (http://comfortdoc.squidoo.com)

This anticipatory grief causes a caregiver to go through the grief process multiple times before a death actually occurs. Often a caregiver is so close to the loved one that they experience new grief as their loved one goes through various stages of their illness. Every illness will bring different experiences, emotions, and ultimately different grief. As a caregiver experiences a "long goodbye" they will often go through emotions such as: depression, hurt, sadness, anger, weepiness, despair, and eventually relief. 

This relief may come in many forms-- from the effects of grief counseling, the support of a friend, or an unexpected moment of joy that life may bring. A caregiver may feel guilty during these moments of joy, laughter, and happiness, but this should not be the case. There is help for the caregiver who is willing to be helped. Grief counseling is always a good option for caregivers, and it will help the caregiver through the process of grief and provide them the support they need during this time. 

Every caregiver may experience the stages of grief in a different order, time frame, and to varying degrees. A grief counselor would help an individual with their specific needs, emotions, and experiences. " Grief is our normal, natural, and necessary response to loss. Its flip-side, bereavement (or mourning), is the process of responding to, and ultimately surviving loss." (http://www.webmd.com)

These two articles will help you  better understand the grieving process and how to go about getting help for yourself, your loved one, or someone you know.

Caregiver Grief and Bereavement

Various Resources on Caregiver Grief

Preparing Your Children

Preparing Your Children

Whenever a parent/grandparent becomes ill, it may be very confusing and heartbreaking for a child. They won't automatically know how to respond to the changes in their grandparents behavior and health. Their grandparents might not be able to be as involved as they used to be, or they may suffer from dementia, or they may have symptoms that are confusing to a child. All of these things can be addressed in a way that is beneficial for both your children and your parents. 

Depending on age, children can't grasp certain medical concepts, death, or other changes that are taking place. There are appropriate ways to communicate with your children about these things. You don't want your child to be caught off guard by your parents declining health, it is better for them to be prepared for what they will experience before they actually experience it. 

Talking with your children honestly and simply is the best way to inform them about their grandparents health. There may come a time when you need to talk to them about death. This conversation may vary depending on age and on the individual child's needs. 

The first article below gives some tips about how to prepare your child to visit your parents. The second article gives helpful advice on how to talk to your children about death when the time is right.

Although this can be a very difficult time in your child's life, it will also be a learning process and time of growth for them. Teaching them how to cherish every moment and grieve properly will be skills they will need throughout their entire life.  

Preparing Your Children to Visit Your Parents 
(click on title to go straight to article)

Visiting an elderly grandparent who is frail and ill can be tough for your children whether they're youngsters or teens. There are things you can do before that meeting to make the time together less stressful and more rewarding for both generations.

     ● First, always remember to treat each child in a way that is appropriate for his or her age. Give your kids the basic information about their grandparent's condition in words they can understand. For example, "emphysema" probably means nothing to them. Tell them Grandma may have trouble breathing and some difficulty talking. She may need some oxygen. Describe an oxygen mask what it does and how it helps her to breathe.

     ● Talk about what equipment is being used. For instance, if your parent is on an I.V. or has a catheter bag hanging beside the bed. Kids are amazingly curious and "just looking around" may be the way for them to pass the time. Let them know you’ll answer question after the visit with Grandpa.

     ● Go over appropriate and inappropriate behavior, whether the visit is taking place in a bedroom, a nursing home or the hospital. There's no running around. And like a library or a church, it's a quiet place. And we use our "quiet voices."

     ● Warn them that all visitors may need to step out of the room if Grandpa has to take care of some personal business with a nurse or attendant.

     ● If Grandma has dementia, talk about what symptoms the children might see. Explain how she might not recognize them—or you—and might speak as if a long-dead relative is still living.

     ● Remind your children that when they aren't feeling well they tend to be cranky. The same is true with grown-ups. Grandpa may seem angry or get upset easily but it's not because he's mad at them.

     ● Offer some suggestions for what they might talk about with their grandparent. They can tell what they're doing in school. They can talk about their sports team or about their pets.

     ● Suggest that younger children might want to prepare some homemade gift, maybe a drawing to hang on the wall. Explain to older ones that their visit is a gift, one that can mean a great deal to their grandparent.

     ● Remember that your children may have very few, or no, memories of this person, especially if you live a distance from your parent and, over the years, visiting has been limited. Your father may seem to be only a little old man lying in bed. Tell your kids stories about him. About the Dad you knew. This will help your children understand why it's so important to you that they see him. So important they get to spend time together. Then, too, you’re proud of your children and you want your parent to see them.

     ● It might help to dig out the old family photo albums. Let your kids see pictures of Mom when she was young. Celebrating birthdays. Opening Christmas presents. Enjoying a vacation. Help your children understand she has a history. She has lived a long life.

     ● Prepare yourself to talk about death with your children. Don’t just wing it on the spot. This may be especially difficult, but just as you talk about how life begins when there's a newborn around, talk about how life ends. How Grandpa is near the end of life on earth and what that means. Why it's important that, just as life is respected when it comes into the world, so it needs to be as it leaves.

     ● Talk about how precious life is. And how, just because someone is bedridden, just because someone isn’t making money, it doesn't mean that person's life has no value. Maybe this is a time for Grandma to pray. Maybe it is a time to reminisce with family and friends and say good-bye. Maybe it is all of those, a time to prepare for the life that comes after this life.

     ● Remind your children they will be in the presence of history. In the presence of wisdom. Tell them you hope years from now they will remember this day, this visit—this person who has meant so much to you.

Talking to Your Children About Death
(click on title to go straight to article)

It’s difficult, if not impossible, to explain death in words that children will understand when we don’t even really understand it ourselves.

     Still, it’s important to take the time to talk to your children. These are some points to keep in mind:

     --It’s easier to talk to your children about death before your parent is near death. And it is easier to talk about death in general, or the death of someone who isn’t too close to the family, than to talk about the death of a loved one. You might prepare your child by bringing up the subject after an elderly parishioner or neighbor has died.

     --You can use books to prepare your child.  Local Catholic bookstores will have age-appropriate books for children about death. (For example Your Grieving Child by Bill Dodds (Our Sunday Visitor) and Water Bugs and Dragonflies, by Doris Stickney (Pilgrim Press).)

     --You’re upset, too. It isn’t just your parent’s approaching death that can be upsetting to your child; it’s seeing you so upset as well. Don’t gloss over or hide your feelings, but be aware that your child is picking up on them.

     --Your child may take the death of your parent very personally. “I’m not going to see my grandma ever again.”

     --A child’s sense of security can be rattled. If Grandpa can die, that means Dad can die. If Dad can die, that means I can die.

     --It’s important to choose your words carefully. In some ways, talking to your child about death is like explaining “the birds and the bees.” You use words and concepts that someone at his or her age level will more easily understand. At the same time, it helps to remember that different children have different personalities and points of view. One child is more intellectual. Another is more easily frightened. Another is more sensitive. Use an approach that fits each child best. It’s also best to talk to each child individually before bringing up the subject with all your children as a group.

     --Talking about death as “falling asleep” or using similar analogies can be confusing for a child. Phrases like those can makes it difficult for some children to sleep because they’re afraid that if they do, they too will die. Also, if they see Grandma napping, they may become frightened that she has died. “God wanted Grandpa with him in heaven”—another common explanation—can make God seem pretty selfish, if not downright mean. 

     --This can be a good time to talk about spiritual beliefs. Talk about bodies and souls. Yes, we won’t see Grandma again here on earth, but where she’s going is a much better place. again.

When the Parent-Child Roles Reverse

As your parents age there will be many changes in the relationship you have with them, as a result of declining health and possible personality changes. These changes will often cause the parent-child roles to reverse. Below are some articles that hopefully will be of some help to you during this challenging time in your life. 

Adapting to a Reversed Way of Life 

(Article from CSA, original article linked in title)

Aging is a part of life and something that most individuals will experience. Reversing the role between parent and child is one of the most difficult challenges within the aging process. As a child, you want to respect the wishes and independence of your weakening parent and help them to avoid being a victim of their failing competence but doing so can be a tough transition. As challenging as it can be, parents need to learn how to adapt to this intricate and frightening shift of life.
Parenting your parent will take patience, this holds especially true if mom and dad become difficult. But keep in mind that your elders are now adapting to not only a life of dependency but to a reversed role in life where their own child is now in charge of the decision-making. Adult children must sympathetically understand how this changing role can lead to anger, frustration, fear, stubbornness and resistance in their aging parent. Recognizing these feelings and accepting them will only help managing their care a much smoother transition.
For the adult child, adjusting to the role of parenting mom and dad can be uncomfortable and frustrating. These new, and at times unexpected, responsibilities not only add a great deal of stress but can be a large burden on your life. Getting support from others is imperative but one may not always know who to turn to. Consider reaching out to:

• Family Members
• Friends
• Professional Counselors
• Caregiver Support Groups
• Clergy

To better assist you, your clients and their loved ones, the Society of Certified Senior Advisors created this handout to include excerpts from individuals who have experienced this changing role in life.

• "Countless hours of working with seniors, and my experiences with my own aging parents, have taught me that as parents age, the dynamics of the parent-child relationship change dramatically. It can result in compromised care and can threaten the very core of the family unit."
• "As long as the boundaries and responsibilities remain unchallenged, the dynamics of the parent-child/child-parent relationship continue to work smoothly; but when aging parents begin to need assistance, an interesting transition occurs: the adult children assume the caregiving role of parents."
• "A person’s life cycle is one great circle. We had caregivers in the beginning and many of us will need caregivers in the end. If we are lucky, the people whom we love most will be present to assist us in the completion of our life’s journey. Acceptance of this cycle can improve the quality of all our lives. It also completes the circle of love."

When utilizing this informative material, it will help you to nurture your clients and their loved ones and sympathize with them as they begin the process of a reversed role. Allow yourself to be not only their professional expert but their trusted source when needed.

When the Parent-Child Roles Reverse
(Article from your ageing parent.com, original article linked in title)

     Cook. Chauffeur. All-around fix-it person. Financial officer. Problem solver. Protector. The list goes on and on. Any parent owns a lot of different hats when he or she is raising children and running a household. Some are worn proudly; others grudgingly. No matter how they're worn, everyone in the family knows they belong to each parent. There are his. There are hers. Until . . . .

     Until everything begins to change as your parent ages and you must start to assume more and more of those responsibilities for Dad or Mom. As you must start to fill the roles that were always his or always hers.

     It's not easy to watch these changes happen in your parent. When Dad can no longer drive the car or handle paying the bills. When Mom isn't able to cook or take care of the house.

     It's not easy to be a part of those changes. Not for your parent or for you.

     It's understandable that an aging parent may have a difficult time giving up those favorite tasks. Maybe Dad is known for his beautiful garden. Mom for her wonderful family dinners. Now someone else will be clipping the hedge or making the pot roast and your parent knows that person can't do the job as well as he or she did. It may seem that other person isn't just doing it differently, that person is doing it wrong!

     Your parent may argue, "Just who says I can't do that anymore? You? Why, I was doing that when you were in diapers. Doing it before you were born."

     It's no wonder your help is sometimes met with resistance and anger, is seen as interference rather than assistance.

     On the other hand, maybe you don't want to assume so many of those responsibilities but see you must. Maybe you can't have everything just the way Mom did for dinners with the extended family. Maybe you don't know how to fix Dad's car and so—heaven forbid! —you have to hire someone else to do it. ("A stranger? You're throwing away good money on a stranger to change the oil?")

     These are some suggestions:

     ● If you find yourself and your parent reversing roles, keep in mind that you need to be gentle about the changes that have to be made. Go slowly. Don't suddenly charge in and take control. Start with small things.

     ● If at all possible, let your parent still play a part. For example, maybe Mom can't host Thanksgiving dinner but can still make her famous gravy for it. Maybe Dad can’t go crawling around under the car but can accompany you when you "both take it in" to a 30-minute oil-change shop.

     ● Keep in mind there's another important role that reverses as your parent ages. Growing up, Mom or Dad was the one who chased away the bogeyman, the one who made everything better. Now he or she is scared. Aging—preparing to die—isn't easy.

     Now it's up to you to comfort Mom. To reassure her. Not to make everything all right—you both know that can't be done—but to try to make it better than it is right now.

     Watching Dad grow old and lose abilities isn't easy either. It's frightening. But now you're supposed to be the one who is strong and brave. Now you can't lean on him because he needs to lean on you.

     This is a special time in the relationship between you and your parent. It's a strange and confusing time that brings new challenges as it exposes new facets of the love you share. It's a precious time.

Taking Away the Car Keys

Taking Away the Car Keys

Talking to Your Loved One About Giving Up the Car Keys

There comes a point when driving is no longer a safe option for seniors. The decision to take away the car keys from a parent or other family member is not an easy decision to make. It will most likely affect the entire dynamic of the family and personally affect your loved one. For many seniors, their car keys represent an important piece of their independence. Losing the ability to safely drive will eliminate some of their freedom and independence. This loss may cause feelings of isolation and even depression. 

In addition to the affects it may have on your loved one, it will also require that other family members step up and figure out a plan for proper transportation for your loved one. They will still want to be able to get out of the house and will need to continue a routine that is as normal as possible. It is often not possible for them to solely rely on public transportation, and some may not be comfortable with this. A schedule might need to be arranged so that various family members are helping with the transportation needs of your loved one. 

Asking your aging loved one to hand over their car keys may not be as simple as it sounds. It may take some convincing for them to realize that this is the safest option for them. If their health is declining in a way that negatively affects their driving, some action needs to be taken. Gently expressing your concerns and effectively communicating your reasons for wanting to take away their car keys may help them better understand why this is the best choice for them. 

To know exactly when this decision needs to be made, there are some specific signs to watch for and be aware of. In the articles below you will learn about how to communicate with your loved one about this decision and when the best time to talk to them would be. 

Helping Your Parents Give Up the Car Keys

When Should Seniors Give Up the Car Keys?